| TWO DAYS |
[Aug. 30th, 2007|06:42 pm] |
| [ | Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  numb | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | The Shins - Sleeping Lessons | ] |
College. Two days. Woah! Move In. Yes! Yippie! Omg. Wtf. lol ok ok enough.
Well I move on Saturday and I can't wait because I have been dying of boredom for the past few days so college will be a HUGE change. lol. Well not that much I'm rooming with one of my best friends from middle school/high school and I just slept over her house a few days ago so I know that part will go pretty well. The rest is unknown. I hope people are fun and don't think I'm too "out-there" or loud or annoying. lol. That would suck. We'll see how it goes. Maybe I'll hate everyone just like high school. haha. The good 'ole days. Yeah right. lol.
Anyway I haven't slept at all in a while it's been very very hard for me. I'm just trying to plan out everything that I need to do and accomplish. There's too much to do when I get there and that's the only thing that is scaring me. I hope there are parties and if there isn't I'll have a private one in my room with a few people since I'm sneaking liquor. I need it. Geez.
I packed all day today and I'm almost done. It was really really hard though because of the lack of energy from the slept-deprivation. I hate this. I didn't sleep when I went to my friend's house either. Sleeping is just not one of my talents.
I feel numbb. I need sleep.
But on the bright side, I know who my real friends are for the first time in my life. I always thought I had no friends like when I was in high school but a lot more people like me than I thought. So college should be even better with my new attitude and confidence. I hope people don't think I'm a conceited snob though. I don't really like to be super popular. I just like to have a few really good friends so I do stick to my own group all the time pretty much. I want to break that habit though. I hope I can. Allowing myself be vulnerable to other people is not one of my strong points, but you have to to grow. That's life. I better not fall back into my old ways! God Almighty. Sabotaging myself..I'm pretty good at that.
Worst comes to worst I always have my old buddies to fall back on. I'll always remember them. :) That's so cheesy. They would never think I would say that about them. lol. I'm a changed women and it's greaaat. |
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| thoughts about the move in (9 days!) |
[Aug. 23rd, 2007|10:44 pm] |
| [ | Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | Joshua Radin | ] |
Well I pretty much just got back from work and things are great in my life right now. I've got everything under control pretty much for college and I'm completing new stuff on my to-do list everyday even if it means pushing my parents into getting stuff done. I've never been this confident in my life <3! I leave for college September 1st. My mom got me the boxes today and I'm going to start packing after this weekend. I really really can't wait. It's so exciting. ahhh. The only thing that worries me is that my friend is rooming with me, and she is practically married to her boyfriend and he supposedly is going to visit a lot. I know it's evil but I really want them to break up. She's so lame though I told her I'm so exciting about going and she's just like "oh I'm not I'm not going to see my boyfriend every day anymore." Ever since she's gotten this boyfriend it's like she doesn't really care about anything else; she's late on all her college deadlines and she never was before. =/ Anyway, I can always ditch her at college I guess if she's going to be on the phone the whole time. I'm not a person to be very quiet about things either so if she bothers me I'm going to be straight-up about it. lol. No bullshit, please I don't have time for that. lol.
Confidenceeee is what it's all about. If I learned anything from high school THAT is it.
Anyone remember their first day of college? Any tips I should remember?
Also, I made a facebook if anyone wants to add me just respond to this post. =)
Hugs and Kisses
and thanks for reading,
Brittany |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 18th, 2007|03:07 pm] |
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I am totally going to do an update soon before I start college! LOL. |
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| Times they are a changin' |
[Jun. 24th, 2007|03:30 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  discontent | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | Bright Eyes - Bad Blood | ] |
Well I graduated high school and I feel really weird not happy like I thought more like depressed at missed opportunities and I really don't want the same thing to happen in college. Ugh it's so awful. I want this summer to be over already and it just started. I just feel really lonely and different like I'm a changed person already or something. Blahhh. My friend and I were just having this conversation online of how we both think we will end up being crazy cat ladies and we're going to be alone all our lives. lol at least someone feels the same way that I do. My two best friends are like practically married and that doesn't make me feel any better. It's just that I don't get guys. I mean most guys just want to "have fun" how do you get a guy to actually care about you? I have no idea. Fuck life. Fuck guys. All I want is money now and to be "successful". What a winer..
I want to get f*cked up. This is not like me. |
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| I am Nobody who are You? |
[Mar. 22nd, 2007|05:32 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| | pessimistic | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | Coldplay - Don't Panic | ] |
Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. So well coming home from school I was like yeah I'm going to finally update my journal again and it's going to be one of those thoughtful go-me ones, but it definitely isn't going to be one of those now. I just found out I got rejected from a college and they don't even have the decency to send me a letter it was in an e-mail and I knew what it was going to be before I even opened it. Yeah, I teared up but I didn't really cry tears though. It's not like I was set on going to that school or anything. I wasn't--I wasn't even planning on going there at all but still it's a good school and I know 2 people that have gotten in and it just makes me feel stupid :( and who likes feeling inferior? But that's how I feel now. It sucks and I don't even want to tell my dad. I want to take a shot right now and I haven't taken a shot since New Years Eve. Maybe I will later it's a little early right now for that kind of stuff. lol. I'm just too hard on myself. I got into 3 decent colleges and I should be happy, but no. I get declined from one and suddenly I feel like I'm worthless. Ugh I don't want to tell anyone because it's embarrassing to me. I just put so much into it and I hardly have a social life in high school and it kills me that these other people that party all the time got in and I didn't. What a waste of time. High school is just one big waste of time and a heavy ball of negativity for me. It reminds me that I suck and that I will never fit into the world everyday. How wonderful! ;) Yipppie. Anyway I'm still awaiting two college's decisions on me. Bastards. I'm guessing they are no's too because if they really wanted me to go to their fucking annoying college they would have sent me something by now. Fuckers. Just send me them already. Ihatethis.
Ok I found the reason why this hurts me so much: It's making me feel now that I suck at every single aspect of life. I mean when things go bad socially or emotionally (with my friends or at home) I always feel like I have a pretty good academic record to fall back on and feel good about but maybe not. I always felt that was something I could be proud of and try hard at. Maybe I'm just not good at ANYTHING. I'm just an average little shit. Most likely.
Besides this though things have been pretty good. Well as good as they can be for March. March is my unlucky month. I just dislike March so much because all the people I have ever disliked strongly have been born in March (which is a lot of people) and it seems like every March I go back into a depression. This year it seems that the pattern is continuing. And I almost forgot it was March (MY DEATH MONTH) until today. It always creeps up on me like that too.
Anyway I've also been thinking about my parents and the future quite frequently these days. I really don't think I want to have a relationship with my dad in the future and after college. I just feel like he's one huge letdown and I can never forgive him for the past. It's not even that it's just that he doesn't even realize the pain he caused me by making one of the (probably the) worst decision of his life. I'm not getting into details because who knows maybe the bitch is reading this right now. readthis: BLOW ME. Ugh. I know he cares about me and all that stuff but he just doesn't get it. I will never respect him if he doesn't take some action, and I know he won't so I know I will disappear from his life in the future. OH well ass hole. He's a dick 75% of the time anyway. He poisons my brain with negativity. I don't want to talk about this anymore...
On the bright side school has been actually pretty awesome in recent weeks. It's like I'm actually learning shit! Wow! Stuff that I actually like too! * * Woah New Concept! * * I'll get more into this later I've got lots of stuff that I need to get down but maybe later tonight or tomorrow or something when I'm not about to combust.
oh yeah I got this thingy too:
3 months exactly! Well that cheered me up greatly. 3 months is a short amount of fucking time.
Hope YOU had a great day at least
Lots to talk about later,
Brittany the bitch |
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